Screen Magazine - Index

Screen Magazine - Screen Magazine: Vol. 29, Issue 22 - Index

OK, America. The check is here and it’s a hell of a lot
more than we expected so let’s all buck up because
Uncle Sam’s putting the whole thing on a credit
card. And maybe throw in a little extra if you can
because we’re getting charged for a lot of wacky
hors d’oeuvres.
Who ordered the wacky hors d’oeuvres? I think it was
Financial Services. You remember those hair-gelled
guys. They kept ramblin’ on about some scheme
to pay for a burger but actually get a steak. They
ordered stuff for everybody. They ordered stuff we
never heard of.
And now they ain’t got a dime. Yeah, I know. It
wasn’t supposed to be like this. But what are you
gonna do? We’re all in this together, right?
Besides, it might not be all that bad. You know,
sometimes when someone covers the whole tab
and everyone else chips in you actually save a little
money. It’s like a volume discou-
What’s that, Automakers? You’re broke, too?
Seriously?
But how? The parking lot was full of SUVs when we
rolled in. I mean, bumper to bumper, you could
stretch them from the Starbucks in Schenectedy to
the Baby Bibbery in San Bernardino.
What’s that, Retail? The Starbucks and the Baby
Bibbery are out of business? But how? Those highly
caffeinated young parents couldn’t get enough
infantile accessories.
Wow. It really is starting to look a little half-empty
out there. Far as the eye can see, nothing but those
popular cute little retro classics. And they’re all
Cooper Minis and VW Bugs and... What the hell is
that? A “Smart Car?” Where are the PT Cruisers? Is
everyone taking the bus?
I guess there was no way to tell things would turn out
this way. Well, except for the flaming oil well surprise
we got served during the first course and, well, that
horrible-tasting OPEC recipe from the ‘70s. Anyway, if
the Automakers got nothing, they got nothing. What
are you gonna do?
Hear that everybody? Detroit’s a little short so throw
in a little bit more if you can, please.
And let’s be quick about it because the cook and
the cashier are getting a little suspicious and it’s
gonna be kinda difficult to talk our way out of this
thing because one’s Chinese and the other’s Arab.
And since we ate all their food they got nothing left
to sell.
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