Screen Magazine: Vol. 28, Issue 8

Screen Magazine - Index

Screen Magazine - Screen Magazine: Vol. 28, Issue 8 - Index

Just when you thought advertising ain’t what
it used to be, a spectacle worthy of “Melrose
Place” busts out of Wal-Mart like Heather
Locklear’s cleavage during her “Dynasty”-to-
Ritchie Sambora years.
Unfortunately, this is no silly TV show about
adults who behave like children and call each
other names. Rather, it is an eschatological
SmackDown between corporate fossils and
agency hustlers who call each other names. At
the current rate, it will likely thrill us for years.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Wal-Mart versus
Julie Roehm.
The drama could have flowed directly from
the quill of Shakespeare. That is, if Shakespeare
was an out-of-work screenwriter who found
inspiration by sucking Freon through a garden
hose (incidentally both are available at Wal-
Mart).
The heroine – who we’ll call Jenny Rhine to
cover up her real identity, Julie Roehm – had a
nice piece of business to unload. All kinds of men
wanted it and she knew it. So she got busy with
it. And when I say busy, I mean busy, if you know
what I mean. And what I mean is that she might
have gotten busy with sex and not business.
I say “might” because it all depends on how
you interpret an e-mail exchange between her
and a former subordinate.
Wal-Mart’s executives claim that the language
provides “irrefutable and admissible evidence” of
a romantic affair. However, these same executives
also claim that they work in clothes purchased at
Wal-Mart. The real question is ‘How seriously
should you consider legal threats from someone
who wears Dickies and a monster truck shirt?’
Not very, according to our heroine. Wal-Mart’s
actions are an attempt “to distract from the
reality that it didn’t want my form of progressive
marketing,” she wrote in a statement issued to
the press on March 28.
She also describes her relationship with the
subordinate as one of sibling-like affection and
trust. Wal-Mart, she insists, took the e-mail
quotes out of context to make them appear
salacious. Her lawyer backs this sentiment.
Evidently, he mentions things like “watching your
face when you kiss me” in everyday business
correspondence.
Much as I’d like to swank on about this
situation, it’s probably not a good idea: I’m out
of funny stuff to say. Anyway, we should move
forward, both as a community and an industry.
Let us begin by figuring out which actors
should star in the network drama that will come
out of this thing.
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��
��