Screen Magazine: Vol. 28, Issue 10

Screen Magazine - Index

Screen Magazine - Screen Magazine: Vol. 28, Issue 10 - Index

“American Idol” sure is cute. The fresh takes on
old classics, the painless cuts of rock and roll
and the adorable displays of adolescent moxie
mesmerize us. During the moments before the
giddy televoting turns into vicious tabloiding, it is
a nationally televised, little league spelling bee.
But now the controls of the karaoke machine
seem to be changing hands. Hollywood studios
smell profit in the chum of a million quick-dialing
teenagers and they want a taste. On May 15,
when Fergie’s remake of Heart’s “Barracuda”
drops on the “Shrek” soundtrack, they’ll take
a bite.
You may argue that Fergie’s little ditty is just
another ditto in the stack of classic knockoffs
that the entertainment industry retrofits all the
time. The problem with that argument is, sadly,
that it’s correct. Hollywood gives in to the
temptation of duplicating past greatness with the
same type of apathy that a hung-over frat boy
shows in devouring last night’s pizza.
In response, audiences have grown accustomed
to digesting anything that’s edible, even if the
taste has grown stale and dry. Consider the
popularity of “Ocean’s 11.” Popular, yes, but
George Clooney is hardly Frank Sinatra.
Still, you may insist that Fergie is only covering
a song, and respectable bands have done that for
years. Why should she be singled out?
This logic reeks with the same ennui as the
stink in Hollywood’s refrigerator. Musicians
often play songs by other artists, but they
generally do so to celebrate what inspired them
to create larger, personalized bodies of work in
the first place.
Fergie’s body of work, in comparison, shows
little influence from Annie and Nancy Wilson,
the sisters who form the heart of Heart.
Whereas the Wilson sisters laced lyrics of
fearless feminine vulnerability over dominating
riffs, Fergie rhymes “humps” with “lumps.”
This is not to say that Fergie lacks any musical
accomplishments, just that being a rocker is not
one of them.
Of course, she has every right to expand
her shtick. Like any artist, the thirst to master
various techniques should remain unquenched.
However, the so-called fruits of this learning
curve should not be forced down the throats
of an audience. They should be confined to
weekend art sales in suburban hotel lobbies.
While it’s nice to hear that Fergie wants to
recreate the hard-rocking style of the 70’s, it
might not be so nice to actually listen to her
practice. That’s what “American Idol” is for.
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