Screen Magazine: Vol. 28, Issue 17

Screen Magazine - Index

Screen Magazine - Screen Magazine: Vol. 28, Issue 17 - Index

What happened to dandruff? Did I miss the
“dandruff eradicated” e-mail? I ask this because I
realized that we NEVER hear about it anymore.
It seemed that not too long ago every other
commercial was about the stuff. Where did you
go, “Head and Shoulders?” Did dandruff go the
way of “ring around the collar?”
Well I am pleased to announce that Kansas
City is home to equally macabre marketing on
the body function front. I was minding my own
business watching the local news when a jolly
jingle popped into my peripheral hearing.
Was it Disney World or the latest exquisite eating
establishment you ask? No, it was “The Midwest
Hemorrhoid Treatment Center,” accompanied by
smiling faces and waving nurses.
The spot continued, music included, and noted
that “three out of four Americans suffer with
this problem.” Erm, excuse me, but way too
much information. Since when has “anal itch”
become a cause for celebration? Holy %&$#.
Do the math; most of the people around you
right now want to scratch their ass. I think this
is cause enough to run these ads at 3:00 a.m.
on C-SPAN. I can see the poor creative team
presenting a spot with smart, sensitive copy to
the earnest client only to be met with, “Yes, but
I want it to be memorable with a happy jingle like
‘Empire Carpet.’” End jolly music.
But the insanity is not a locally grown
phenomenon. What about the incredibly
strange, smiling character in a recent erectiledysfunction
campaign? Let’s face it; he looks
completely insane. It might just be me, but I do
not relish the thought of anyone this “out-oftheir-gourd”
walking the streets, brandishing an
erection that lasts more than four hours.
I truly hope the creative team involved, a) have
their heads examined, and b) have their heads
examined for dandruff.
But I have a confession. I too was once caught
up in the insanity of “body-function marketing.”
I was asked by a feminine hygiene client to
(squeamish readers should, at this point, move
on to the fine article on HD production) create
a “before and after” ad for yeast infections,
complete with fully functioning casting sessions!
I am not making this up.
Thankfully, common sense prevailed and we
went with medical illustrations. The account
guy was so excited by the prospect that he
summarily had the images turned into drink
coasters. Hopefully they’ll go nicely with his
dandruff placemats.
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